melmel

the way we had feelings for each other was amazing, and the day we left them all behind was unexpected..

i dono how i shld be feeling.. sad? free? the best for both of us?.. i noe i shouldn't be feeling too upset since we had not gone into a formal relationship, and it had onli been a week since we met again..

however much i do not want to feel this way, i do haf the feeling of lost, of being left behind, of being trapped and having nowhere to turn to. all i see are the events of the past week, of him, of us. no matter what, i did haf a feeling of a possibility and had put in my true feelings into what we shared, after not being able to like anyone for a complete year.

i admit the most part is my fault, i dun noe what i want, and what i could gif was not much.. i rem the first time we met after so long, i wasn't anticipating anything, and i was jus being the usual mi, not afraid of making fun of myself. we had a great time and had both developed feelings. we agreed to mit up again..

the second time, after we both knew about our feelings, and he knew my restrictions and beliefs and fears, i was still confused abt the whole thing, but we did haf a gd time anw..

the third time.. i was lost. i wanted to go on, yet all i could think abt was anything but us.. it turned awkward at times, but we still went ahead with the outing..

i rem he once said, "it will get better, not worse, better, better." i had believed it too.

maybe i tried to speed up the knowing each other process, i kept wanting to sort things out, cos i reli couldn't bear to go thru such a long process again. maybe we're too different in our thinking and stuffs. maybe we jus cant fit into each other's lifestyle.. maybe maybe..

life is so amazing.. and full of surprises.. i do wonder how i did let myself go, since i noe tt with love, the rest of the feelings will follow, and my heart will not haf so much space for happiness anymore. i had known it so well, yet i still managed to feel this way for someone.

what i noe is tt not all feelings can be controlled. im glad i do noe what i want, and i will resume my life, my ideals, as before.. tho this has been jus a short re-acquaintance, i believe it will be deeply etched into an impt part of my memories.. ^-^