thots oOo

today i almost broke my parents' hearts and devastated my beloved sis. i guess im thankful that darling's mom tokked to me and made me realise that my parents are not alone on stuffs that are important to me and darling. stil, it would have been different living with him and his family and doing what i want. but at the same time, it would oso leave eveything in a whirlwind. a.k.a, a mess. and thats worse, whether now or in the future, be it my family or his.

i cant imagine if my family saw the letters, the disappointment, the hurt, the anger that they would have felt all at once. i guess not running away also means i have to face whatever comes in the future. i have to be responsible for my actions. if i leave, everyone else has to make out the mess i had created and deal with them. everyone except me. i would be happily living outside and having fun. but this is not the way i want it to be. somehow, being in this relationship makes me feel that i have to grow up, to mature, and not behave as i used to.

i love my family and my darling, and i want to be the best i can be for them. thanks darling for being supportive and coming over to help me out this morning. i cant imagine being without you. love you lots oOo =D